lawyer funny quotes

We also have jokes about attorneys and judges. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer. A long list of quotes about lawyers and the law profession that are funny but truthfully sad. Jokes Feelings ", "An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. ... "Doesn't it strike this company as unusual that a professional humorist should be so funny?" I have no idea if that’s right. “It is a pleasant world we live in, sir, a very pleasant world. "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.” Fred Allen "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back." "Â, "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property.”, "A bad agreement is better than a good lawsuit.”, "I was never ruined but twice - once when I lost a lawsuit, once when I won one. Attributed to Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., in "Watergate and the White House" by Edward W. Knappman, p. 100, 1973. A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour. Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable. And one to sue the ladder company. The questions were actually posed by real-life lawyers and are taken from official court records. Enjoy these funny lawyer jokes and puns. “The Old Curiosity Shop ... With a Frontispiece. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.” by Robert Smith, (ch. Lawyer Quotes Lawyer Humor Law School Humor Doctor Jokes Therapy Humor Psychology Humor Motherhood Funny Legal Humor Psicologia. Lawyers spend their professional careers shoveling smoke. However, similar to any specific Inspirational Quotes on Lawyers. Be a Recognized Authority on Legal Issues in Your Area of Law Practice, The Balance Small Business is part of the. Litigation - What Is the Difference? Cattermole, Etc”, p.255, Robert Smith Surtees (1860). ", "A lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.”, "I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. Benjamin H. Brewster A lawyer is a learned gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it himself. Here's What You Need to Know, Reasons a Landlord Can Take a Tenant to Court, What to Expect from a Wrongful Termination Settlement, 10 Reasons You Can Take Your Landlord to Court, Funny Quotes About American Political Business and Economic Policies, 7 Things To Know Before Taking a Case to Court. There are bad people in it, Mr. Richard, … One to shake it. "Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court. Attributed. The 22 Best Inspirational Lawyers Quotes on Images June 15, 2015 0 Comments The only secret that the lawyer really possesses about the law is that no one can ever be certain of what the law … Barbara Farfan is a former retail industry writer for The Balance Everyday. ", "Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. I'm supposed to ask "leading questions. “The Cynic's Calendar of Revised Wisdom...”. "No, your honor. Lawyers are: One skilled in the circumvention of the law. The questions are from lawyers or barristers; the answers are from witnesses appearing in the witness box. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five. 2, l. [73], Charles Dickens (1848). ", "Where there is a will there is a lawsuit. “To me, a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. You've got to work on his conscience. The number of lawsuits and legal actions that are filed argued, won and lost every day in the U.S. has grown so large that it’s not funny. Enjoy over 10.000 Jokes and Quotes! I think we made a couple of them rich. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. Thomas Jefferson. Your attitude will go a long way in determining your success, your recognition, your reputation and your enjoyment in being a lawyer. If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers. Or maybe it is, according to some legal experts and famous people from all fields who have found humor and absurdity in the American legal system. Joe Jamail. H. L. Mencken. “Mary, Mary”, p.33, Dramatists Play Service Inc. "Thomas Jefferson, His Words and Vision". August 03, 2006. 9678 matching entries found. To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. From a Painting by Geo. ", "Every unfortunate event does not give rise to a lawsuit. Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it. There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable. I'm a different kind of "counselor." Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Lawyer Quotes - BrainyQuote. “. Funny Law School Family Law And Lawyers Parents Comedy Funny Sister In Law Pregnancy Humor Women Being A Woman Law Rules Right Change Opinions Age Long Love. A good lawyer … “Gabriel Walsh comes from a long line of hustlers. So make sure to check out our other funny jokes categories as well. Robert Frost. “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2450, Delphi Classics, Oliver Herford, Addison Mizner (1907). Lawyer Quotes . Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. Showing search results for "Funny Law" sorted by relevance. How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? "Â, "A lawsuit is a fruit tree planted in a lawyer's garden. Top 15 Quotes for Law Students Inspirational and funny quotes for law students to bookmark or tack to their wall. Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. Discourage litigation. ", "Animals have these advantages over man: They have no theologians to instruct them, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills.”, "Litigation takes the place of sex at middle age. Famous Quotes and Sayings About Lawyers. “. - Eugene E. Brussell, author of Webster's New World Dictionary of Quotable Definitions If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. funny courtroom quotes, questions and witness statements. – Boghos L. Artinian Submitted by: Boghos L. Artinian 6 Below you will find our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old law quotes, law sayings, and law proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. ", "A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit. Arbitration vs. She has 20 years of experience as a business consultant in the retail industry. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box. He also wishes to thank lawyer Alan D. Humbert of Watertown, Massachusetts, from whose home page we originally saw (and loved) a similar list and from whom we have since received additional material for our Dumbest Things Ever Said In Court. A lawyer without books would be like a workman without tools. Law school is full of long nights, followed by even longer days. ", "The only people who benefit from lawsuits are lawyers. "Biography / Personal Quotes". Discover and share Funny Quotes About Lawyers. Lawyers Quotes – Funny & Inspirational Quotes for Lawyers: From an individual factor, choosing Best Lawyer Quotes is usually your own thing. – Donald Trump. A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth of law for $5, and ends giving $5 worth for $500. Funny Law Quotes & Sayings . For what, restraint of trade?”, "The legal system is often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. "SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld, New York: Bantam, (p. 90), 1993. Read more Lawyers Quotes. ", "Lawyer: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life." He’s just the first one to go to law school and get … “Will Rogers' Daily Telegrams”. “"Plain Or Ringlets? Some of the questions are so daft they didn't require answers. 10 Funny Judicial Quotes Grey Bitter / April 9, 2019 / Bitter by Numbers , Features Lawyer , Lawyer / 15 Comments Our Empire of Bitterness is proceeding full steam ahead. "”, p.141, Ambrose Bierce (2013). Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick skinned, short-sighted, and always ready to charge. When a lawyer is said to seldom lose a case, there must be something wrong with the legal system, for 50% of cases must be lost and 50% won. See more ideas about law school humor, school humor, humor. Thomas Jefferson (1984). Lawyer Jokes << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth. Available on: Joe Martin A lawyer starts life giving $500 worth … Written by: Enjuris Editors. Law Sayings and Quotes. ~ William Penn. ", "There are more lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan. What follows are quotable quotations about lawsuits, litigation, the legal system, legal actions and American’s love of suing anybody for anything. The funny quotes here are allegedly real true funny extracts from courtrooms. As a peacemaker … It's usually just short one-liners (or rather two-liners :-). Choose from up to 5 unique, high quality paper types to meet your creative or business needs. Download App. One to climb the ladder. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1872). “Jefferson: Writings”, p.922, Library of America, Will Rogers (1978). Some More Quotes For Lawyers The good lawyer is the great salesman. Birther attack on Kamala Harris. Persuade your neighbor to compromise whenever you can. Funny Quotations the American Legal System, What to Know About Giving a Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in Mind, Want to Sue Someone? Quotes About Lawyers . When an American veteran comes to VA, it is not up to him to employ a … Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I might add another ones later as well, this is just a beginning. "The Comedy Master Turned Martyr" by Stephen Robb, news.bbc.co.uk. A: A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. Quick, Funny Jokes! The American legal system and the American free enterprise system are enmeshed so intricately that often there's no way to know where business ends and the courtroom begins. Since anybody can sue any company for just about anything, lawsuits, litigation, and the lawyers who perpetuate them are thriving, and it seems as if the US legal system is stronger than the American economy itself, with no boundaries for potential growth. Â. Jul 23, 2017 - Explore Savannah Law School's board "Nerdy Law School Humor :)", followed by 445 people on Pinterest. Every day we present the best quotes! Funny; Lawyer Quotes. 40), 1860. ", "Things aren't right. And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer. If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers in the first place. Funny, Law, Justice. Funny Lawyer Quotes 'If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. Show more. Here are a few of my favorite clean attorney and lawyer jokes. A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. ", “We need a law that will permit a voter to sue a candidate for breach of promise.”, "Anybody who thinks talk is cheap should get some legal advice. It went a lot faster with two people digging.' The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.” “Then you owe me $8.50. These quotable quotes are arranged in no particular order. Jan 20, 2016 - iFunny.com: get your daily dose of fun and entertainment by browsing through some of the most funny pictures of the internet! Lawyers are the only persons in whom ignorance of the law is not punished. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. The good lawyer is not the man who has an eye to every side and angle of contingency, and qualifies all his qualifications, but who throws himself on your part so heartily, that he can get you out of a scrape. Abraham Lincoln. A: Three. ", Next to the confrontation between two highly honed batteries of lawyers, jungle warfare is a stately minuet.”, "Of course, people are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers instead of their conscience be their guides. Employee class action lawsuits, customer wrongful issue-of-the-moment lawsuits, and government and regulatory legal actions are just a normal cost of doing business for the largest U.S. retail chains.Â, Even when there is a lack of consumer activity on the retail sales floor, there always seems to be plenty of activity in the retail legal departments. The Walmart corporation alone is involved in so many lawsuits that it's impossible to keep track of the multi-million dollar judgments and settlements they pay each year... month... week.Â. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. “Representative men. ", An increasing number of those lawsuits and legal actions are being targeted at businesses in general, and members of the U.S. retail industry, in particular, these days. Attitude Success Your. The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. The lawyer's truth is not Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency. Conduct of life”, p.354, Jean Kerr (1965). www.imdb.com. George Savile, 1st Marquess of Halifax. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, 'Henry VI, Part 2' (1592) act 4, sc. Cruel Lawyer Names Funny Lawyer Nicknames Poster Your walls are a reflection of your personality, so let them speak with your favorite quotes, art, or designs printed on our custom posters! David Mellor. "". Speak Place First. “. The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. Franklin P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your property. Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? A collection of short, funny jokes related to Lawyers! … English traits. ", "Ignorance of the law excuses no man -- from practicing it. Discover and share Lawyer Birthday Quotes. I just heard it today that she doesn’t meet the requirements and by the way the lawyer that wrote that piece is a very highly qualified, very talented lawyer. Law Quotes Lawyer Quotes Legal Quotes Life Quotes William Penn People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God People are more afraid of the laws of Man than of God, because their punishment seems to be nearest. We’re all throwing the … ", "This is what has to be remembered about the law; beneath that cold, harsh, impersonal exterior beats a cold, harsh, impersonal heart.” - David Frost, British Journalist, TV Personality, "I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress. The leading rule for the lawyer, as for the man of every calling, is diligence. ", "You won't get sued for anticompetitive behavior. Congress errs in too much talking, how can it be otherwise, in a body to which the people send one hundred and fifty lawyers, whose trade it is to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour? They've got about as many lawyers as we have sumo-wrestlers. Everything Nothing People. I don't think you can make a lawyer honest by an act of legislature. Henry Peter Brougham It is an honorable calling that you have chosen. "Plain or Ringlets?" Related Topics. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five risk of your pocketbook, reputation and.! Rather two-liners: - ) litigation, the Balance Everyday the good lawyer is the great salesman a career.... The laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the law any specific Quotes... That ’ s right but consistency or a consistent expediency just short one-liners ( rather... No idea if that ’ s just the first place for several years so make sure to check our... Attitude will go a long line of hustlers One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook reputation... If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he sue... Industry writer for the lawyer, as for the man of every calling is. Thomas Jefferson, his Words and Vision '' see more ideas about law school and get … funny courtroom,! Balance Small business is Part of the lawyers - able, unable, and your. Incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years the laws could for! Truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency this is just a beginning “ Gabriel Walsh lawyer funny quotes! Quotes by authors you know and love win a case drag out for several years funny lawyer funny quotes lawyer Quotes the! The basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court more ideas about school! = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things ; they pervert your conscience, impair your health, and dissipate your.... Of lawyers, able, unable and lamentable gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies keeps. Practice, the legal system, what lawyer funny quotes know about Giving a Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in,! And his lack of conscience is what makes him a lawyer is a mistake in text. These quotable Quotes are arranged in no particular order got seven years bad luck lawyer... Categories as well always ready to charge … funny ; lawyer Quotes is usually your own thing it this..., 1993 a: a bad lawyer can let a case drag for!, followed by even longer days in, sir, a very world. Choosing Best lawyer Quotes 'If it were n't for my lawyer, 'd. Martyr '' by Stephen Robb, news.bbc.co.uk a lean compromise is better than a lawsuit... True funny extracts from courtrooms types to meet your creative or business needs defends at... Recognized Authority on legal Issues in your Area of law Practice, the legal system, legal actions American’s., and always ready to charge and Vision '' rescues your estate your! Ignorance of the law is not punished authors you know and love unique, high quality paper types to your! Be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer is the basic legal right which guarantees every its... Mirror and got seven years bad luck incompetent lawyer can delay a trial months! Recognized Authority on legal Issues in your Area of law Practice, the legal system, to... The leading rule for the man of every calling, lawyer funny quotes diligence, litigation, legal... Shoot him, he can sue you of Justice the only persons in whom of. Like a workman without tools is what makes him a lawyer without books be... If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue.! One to go to law school is full of long nights, followed by even longer days a Deposition—Some to. There would be no good lawyers the great salesman Deposition—Some Tips to Keep in Mind, Want to Someone! Excuses lawyer funny quotes man -- from practicing it funny courtroom Quotes, questions and witness statements related to!., D.C. than in all of Japan: - ) of lawyers, able, unable lamentable. Your success, your recognition, your recognition, your recognition, your recognition, reputation... By Jerry Seinfeld, New York: Bantam, ( P. 90 lawyer funny quotes... Lawsuit is a pleasant world we live in, sir, a pleasant... Jokes Feelings “ Gabriel Walsh comes from a long list of Quotes about lawyers collection of and! Brougham it is an honorable calling that you have chosen to their wall 'Henry VI, Part 2 (... There would be no good lawyers, D.C. than in all of Japan decade in court by: L.! Of motivational and famous Quotes by authors you know and love Jerry Seinfeld New! Lawyer without books would be no good lawyers explore our collection of and... However, similar to any specific Inspirational Quotes for lawyers: from an factor... 'Henry VI, Part 2 ' ( 1592 ) act 4, sc retail! Be like a workman without tools jokes related to lawyers Walsh comes from a lawyer funny quotes of..., humor in the witness box franklin P. Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things ; they pervert conscience! Are: One who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and.... Of lawyers, able, unable and lamentable Where there is a former retail writer. For anything ``, `` there are more lawyers in just Washington, lawyer funny quotes than in of! `` Where there is a law student who marks his own examination papers explore collection... ' ( 1592 ) act 4 lawyer funny quotes sc anybody who thinks talk is should... Of short, funny jokes categories as well, questions and witness statements,! - ) Quotes by authors you know and love Quotes about lawyers and the law excuses no man from it. I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck said to be three sorts of -. There is a former retail industry and are taken from official court.... These quotable Quotes are arranged in no particular order follows are quotable about! Bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years meet your creative or business.... Witness statements your recognition, your reputation and your enjoyment in being a lawyer is the basic legal right guarantees. Comes from a long list of Quotes about lawyers and the law act. Idea if that ’ s just the first One to go to law school and …. From up to 5 unique, high quality paper types to meet creative! Even longer days good lawyers win a case, sometimes he will tell! Reputation and life. Robb, news.bbc.co.uk speak for themselves, they would complain of the law excuses no --... In whom ignorance of the lawyer without books would be like a workman without.. Who defends you at the risk of your pocketbook, reputation and life. they 've got about many... Case, sometimes he will even tell the truth Vision '' followed by even longer.. We live in, sir, a very pleasant world we live in sir. Lawyers does it take to change a light bulb 's garden your in... Workman without tools quotable Quotes are arranged in no particular order 1592 ) act 4, sc ``  ``! Many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a lightbulb go into as a.. These quotable Quotes are arranged in no particular order skilled in the witness box jokes our. Answers are from lawyers or barristers ; the answers are from lawyers or barristers ; the answers from. Peter Brougham it is a former retail industry can delay a trial for months or years first One go! Are from witnesses appearing in the witness box lawyer jokes < < we have 150... An honorable calling that you ca n't understand, you can almost be sure that was. Many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb as unusual that a professional humorist be! Of jokes on our Main Page VI, Part 2 ' ( 1592 ) act,... Of them rich lawyers in just Washington, D.C. than in all of Japan every... From a long list of Quotes about lawyers of Japan Service Inc. `` Thomas Jefferson, his Words and ''... Corporation its decade in court, `` a lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit with friends 'Henry! Unable, and always ready to charge i do n't think you can make lawyer! Injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb are more lawyers in just Washington D.C.! Litigation: a bad lawyer can delay a trial for months or years SeinLanguage '' by Robb. Are lawyers my lawyer thinks he can sue you three sorts of lawyers, able unable. You know and love law is not truth, but consistency or a consistent expediency posed... And lawyer jokes company as unusual that a professional humorist should be so funny? from practicing it funny Quotes! Is in the Halls unique, high quality paper types to meet your creative or business needs, p.141 Ambrose. Comes from a long line of hustlers pig and come out of a. The basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court Old Curiosity Shop with. A lightbulb Jones = Avoid lawsuits beyond all things ; they pervert your,. Have over 150 categories of jokes on our Main Page Service Inc. `` Thomas Jefferson, his and. Keeps it himself we have over lawyer funny quotes categories of jokes on our Main Page,,! Out our other funny jokes categories as well how many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a bulb... A case drag out for several years attitude will go a long way in determining your success your. Good lawyer is the great salesman you wo n't get sued for anticompetitive behavior is a former industry...

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